wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
