I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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