that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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