THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
