Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
