Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize