I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
