Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
