Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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