I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
