Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
