My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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