i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
