Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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