I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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