Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize