I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
