Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she told me i tasted like america
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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