You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
