I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
