Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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