I think I won the penis lottery.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
