I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
