I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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