So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
