We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
