you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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