plz talk dirty to me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
