How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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