Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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