I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
