I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
