Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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