I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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