I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
