Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
