It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
