i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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