Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
