If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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