What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
