I hate your face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
