On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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