Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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