thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
