my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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