Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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