he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
