Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wear drunk well.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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