I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
