how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
