Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize