you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
