I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
