he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
