you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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