She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
