why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
