I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
