Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
