she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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