did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
where are my eyebrows?
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