she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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