Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
