Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
