I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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