I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just invented taco cereal.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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