so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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