im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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