glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
