she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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