Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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