k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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