and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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