I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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