i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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