you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
