I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
