I like to think it a success when the cops are called
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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