Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
