I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize