On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
