Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
