I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
