so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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