I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
