pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
