my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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