I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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