Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
