uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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