I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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