Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
