why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
