My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize