i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
