i'm signing you up for texting rehab
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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