I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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