Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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