i think my mom watched the whole time
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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