U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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