The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
